The Death of Courting

I had to take a hiatus because of motherly duties but I am baaaacccckkk! While I was on hiatus, I was doing a lot of soul searching and trying to determine what I want when it comes to my personal, dating life.  Wellllllll…   I am tired of the whole sex thing.  I am tired of the s/ps, FBs, FWBs, Friends, or whatever title men and women like to give to their casual sexual relationships (Please see previous post describing the different sexual relationship statuses).  I am tired of being an option for men, I want to be THE OPTION for ONE man.   I want to court, be courted.  “What is this?”, you ask.  Well, I did some minor research and came across several definitions.  Not only definitions but it was mentioned that there is a difference between “courting” and “dating”.   “Courting” is the art of getting to know each other to determine if you want to be engaged or potentially married to one another. The guy is mainly the suitor and try to pursue and influence the woman that he is interested in being with her in a long-term, committed relationship.  Neither party is interested in or pursing others but are only interested in one another.   “Dating” is actively, pursuing romantic relationships with different people usually at the same time.  When a person is dating, they are not focus on one person like courting but several people.    I want ONE man to actively, pursue me with the intent of being with me for a lifetime.  In the olden days, the man focused on “wooing” the lady to persuade her that he was the one for her and that he could provide for and support her.   In this day and age, it is hard to find a man that is willing to invest the time and attention it takes to court a lady.  My opinion is if time was spent in courting a person, then the divorce rate wouldn’t be so high, etc.   People would spend the time to get to know the intricacies of one another and determine if this person is really someone that they want to be with for a lifetime.  A very important part to courting is there is usually no sexual involvement.  No intimate interactions.  It is merely spending time going places, going on dates, having long conversations and determining each other’s goals and aspirations.  It is taking the time to determine if you really fit with one another.   I want to remove all of the complicated, obstacles that prevents me from getting to really know a man.  I want to go on dates and be the focus of the ONLY focus of that man and not others.   I want the wining and dining. The late night talks, the long conversations, the intimate moments of just being with one another and it not be sexual but intellectual, stimulation that arouses the deepest areas of my soul.   Courting no longer exists in our culture with the onset of media bombarding us with sexual images every where we go and reiterating that sex sells, we have lost the fine art of courting and really getting to know one another before becoming sexual with each other.   Nowadays, we are intimate before we even begin seriously dating one another.   I want more for me….I want to be THE OPTION not an option.    

The World of Dating

I apologize for the long lag in my writing. Beginning with this week, I will be posting at least once a week.

I have been thinking about this passage for a while. I wanted to make others aware of dating terms and to discuss some of these terms in length. In today’s society, a lot of different dating statuses are acceptable, more so than in the past. Some of the most popular dating terms that are acceptable or discussed are Friends, Friends with Benefits (FWBs), Sex Buddies (FB)–the other word is used but I wanted to keep this as PG as possible, Side Piece (SPs), Mistresses and one particular term, I cannot stand, is Thirstiness or Thirsty. I know some of you are like what in the world. What do some of these terms mean?!?

Friends

Why is this even considered a status? Because men and women use this word loosely to describe each other as being “friends” but it carries more meaning then your typical friends. This status allows you to continue seeing the person you consider a friend while dating others. You know that when you need someone to talk with, spend time with, or be intitmate with you, you can turn to this person. This person will be there throughout your dating adventures, castrophoes and will not judge or manipulate you but be there always. Basically, Friends with Initimacy.

Friends with Benefits (FWBs)

According to the http://www.urbandictionary.com, FWBs is “two friends who have a sexual relationship without being emotionally involved. Typically, two good friends who have causaul sex without a monogamous relationship or any kind of commitment.” This is extremely similar to friends status. The difference is that casual sex is more prevalent in this relationship. You have the benefit of being friends and lovers. It is usually a win-win situation for both parties until one of the parties because more emotionally attached. Then you risk the chance of losing the relationships, its perks and your friend. Although there is no commitment and the definition given by Urban Dictionary states otherwise, there is usually emotions and feelings involved, more in-depth and intense than friends.

Sex Buddies

Sex Buddies is strictly for the purpose and convenience of sex. No emotions, no feelings involved at all. You contact this person for strictly only for one reason or purpose. There is no friendship, an extremely casual relationship.

Sidepieces

SPs now this is a recently new term. This status relates to men and women that allow themselves to be involved with men or women that are already in committed relationship including marriages. There is more commitment involved then the other statuses. Both parties usually know their place and their purpose. You reap all the benefits of a committed relationship but you send that person back to their wife, girlfriend, husband, boyfriend or significant other. The relationship is usually mutually beneficial for both parties. You have all the conveniences of a committed relationship but none of the headaches or messiness.

Mistress
Mistress is very similar to SP but the main difference is you reap more of the financial benefits. You are one step from being considered wifey. You are pretty much on-call. This relationship typically involves a married man and his other women. The other woman being his mistress.

Finally, thirsty and thirstiness. These terms do not mean that you are thirsty for something to drink but that you are thirsty for someone’s attention. You will go out of your way to gain the attention of someone or vice versa. You are willing to do whatever it takes even if it compromises who you are. It is very similar to being desperate for attention albeit a man or woman. This frown upon in the dating world and you should prevent being thirsty, “My friends!”

I hope this informed you on the various relationship statuses. These are mostly my own definitions and may not comply with how you define each one. What is your status? Only you can determine how you classify yourself and your worthiness. Do not allow other to determine your fate or worthiness.